the not so happily ever after.
Back in February my boyfriend of like almost 3 years broke up with me. I always knew it was going to happen, his family hated me, they were Jehovah Witnesses and couldn't accept the fact that I wasn't. At the very end they gave him a choice, follow all their rules including breaking up with me or leave. He asked me what I would say if that ever happened and I told him that I think he should go with his family because as disfunctional and irritating as they may be they are still family and are important. I guess it was a mutal choosing of God.
companion in misery.
Now that little back story is out of the way with, moving on. A close friend of mine just broke up with her boyfriend, he cheated on her they tried to make it work but she just couldn't forgive that. I don't blame her, not really, I don't think that's something I would easily be able to forgive. But she was talking to me and asked me how long it takes to get over a guy, I honestly couldn't answer her. I didn't have an answer, it just made me think about how much I still wish I could talk to my ex. Maybe you never get over someone, maybe they will always be a part of your life. I guess spending so much time together does change you, I think there is always something you learn sometimes they are good, other times not so much. So in true essex girl style we went out and drunk away our new found feelings. It worked for all of two minutes - and then you see a friend you haven't in a little while and she asks 'oh so how are you and what's his name?' - and then it all comes crumbling down again. Today in a media class I realised that although not every relationship is the same and there are differenet types of break ups; the mutual parting, they met someone else, they don't love you anymore, it just wouldn't work - phases of those are all the same. There were two broken hearts in that media room today and it felt good to have someone to talk to that felt exactly the same.
the man or the idea?
We got into the discussion was it 'him' that we missed or just the idea of him. The feeling of belonging, having someone that was yours, that was there no matter the situation. That you could just snuggle with on a cold day or an off day. He was my best friend and I know my friend felt the same about her boyfriend, is it his friendship I miss, just that closeness with another person or was it his specific brand of friendship? To an extent I think both.
the dream.
after we were talking I was reading a magazine article about a guy who was dying finding love, he died a week after they got married. I could never imagine that heart wrenching feeling of finding the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with and then one day they aren't there anymore and they are never coming back. How would someone deal with that? I don't know if I would ever be strong enough to deal with that type of finality, atleast with my ex I know that although I have deleted his number (not that it makes a difference I know it off by heart it was just a symbolic deleting) I could find out what was going on with him and how he was if I could deal with that.
I see old couples walking down the street holding hands and everytime my heart melts a little. I want that, I want love that defies age and reason, I want to be excited every morning when I wake up because I get to be with that person. I have three amazing best friends yet he was my best friend and it was a different type; it's a type I miss. But above all else I want happiness.
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