a quick update.

Half Term:

So I'm still at college, I'm in my last year, hopefully next year I'll be going to univeristy. I say hopefully, I am just waiting for the rejection letters that will undoubtably be coming my way. So anyway, this half term I wanted to really make progress, I've been stuck with all this recovery weight and it's making me hate myself. But life wouldn't be that nice. Instead I'm stuck eating trying to make everyone else happy falling further into that hole of self loathing. Isn't life grand? I had to work everyday at a job with managers I hate, where there is constant drama the whole time, it gets a little tedious considering I'm like the youngest person there and I'm not involved in any of it; come on guys grow up a little.

Oh but did I mention one of my managers hates me passionately at the moment because I don't actually think it's cool for him to hit on me and make all kinds of suggestive comments. He bascially told me the only reason I got an interview in the first place was because he thought I was 'pretty'. Maybe it's because I'm shallow, but he creeps me out, a fat balding 30 something man trapped me in a room alone with him and then invaded my personal space a little.  Not cool!

I work around junk all the time too, maybe college is the best place for me to have control again, because if I don't have money I can't buy, it is as simple as that - I can't use my card because we have no card machines. It's perfect!


Friday - a little early halloween celebration.

So I managed to scrap a weekend off. My first in around two years. So a few of the nice work friends I do have invited me out. We spent our halloween dressed up in a gay club. It was freaking awesome! I was a cavegirl, I made a pretty cool prehistoritic character if I do say so myself. Although I spent most of the night completely wasted I can't actually remember it, the beauty of not eating, cheap night out! Being so drunk with nothing inside me made me sick anyway which was even better, goodbye empty calories. Short story is - I was so wasted I passed out on my sofa when I got home still fully dressed, I couldn't even make it up the stairs. I'd say that contributes to a pretty good night out - not to mention a well deserved hang over.

Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model Live.

Day 2 of my amazing weekend was spent at the excel centre in london, BNTM live was so good. I have to say, travelling by train with a hangover, not the smartest move I ever made. All I can say is thank god for portable tooth brushes, train bathrooms and chewing gum. Another perfect excuse not to eat for that day. It felt amazing. Spending the day surrounded by tall, thin and beautiful girls - not the best idea I ever had. My average 5ft 4 self was a little over shadowed, but hey, I'm used to that so it means nothing. I went with my brothers girlfriend, she is more like the sister I don't have I'm so glad for that too. She loved it so much that we just booked our tickets for The Clothes Show Live in December. Hello George Lamb is all I can say. - Oh, Charlie Speed could not be more gorgeous in real life, even better than the pictures!

Standard Evening Out.

To finish my trio of amazing days out I spent my sunday night with my best friends. We ofcourse had to eat, thats their thing. It kills me, but I think it would kill me a little more to not be able to be with them. They are the best friends I could have ever asked for, and being part of an all girl group of 7 for the best part of school, I can really appreciate that.  I also got to see Paranormal Activity 3 - pretty much a waste of time. But everyone else seemed to love it, maybe I'm just a sucker for the old thrillers that all these new ones lose their magic. I don't know. It's all good. An amazing end to an amazing weekend.

Hello Reality.

And yesterday I went back to college. I was only there for one lesson, I couldn't face how much I loathed myself. Especially because every girl at my college is amazing looking, it just isn't fair. They are all so perfect. I wish I could be as small as they are. So I hid out at home and worked in the evening, I'm a little sad, I love seeing all the kids dressed up at Halloween, they are all so adorable.