inspiration.

So I'm starting to write my coursework. I've been searching for ideas for so freaking long that my brain is frazzled. I love writing, I wish I was good enough to be an actual writer. But no one would read my stuff, it would be too depressing, philosophical hypocritical shit. I think I'm yoda or something.

So yeah, I love writing, the only frustrating thing is I only write really good stuff when I'm miserable. Maybe it's that whole tortured artist thing, I don't know. All I know is I'm searching for inspiration and then BAM. It hits me in the face. I know what I want my article to be, I just hope I can do it justice. I want it to mean something not be the same sterotypical stuff that everyone expects. Maybe I'll share after, wouldn't want to do that before, knowing my luck if I did it would be called to be moderated and then hello, what is this? The exact same thing on the internet. That really wouldn't look good, especially if I had to sign into my blog to prove it was mine. I think the more pressing issue then would be 'okay lets throw you in therapy!'

Think I'll pass on that. Better to be safe than sorry right!

Anyway, I'd just like to say a big thankyou to all the PT guys that are helping me. I really wouldn't be able to do this without your help.


and the rest.

I fasted for 24hours. Brilliant. Then I get made to eat soup 178 kcals. I can deal. But then my mum starts reading another piece of work I've done. Talk about stressful! I get nervous when anyone reads my stuff. So there were pringle on the arm chair. I opened them and ate the rest of the pack. FBERBG EIUBV EIBV THE FUCK!! What is wrong with me! ?  like casually just opened them up and started munching. CMDSBFQIVBFVHCBAEIDNCNFBGVIA\BGVACN AI. I need to be shot. Right now. What a fucking idiot! I'm finally back down, well on my way to my goals and I do stupid fucked up shit like that. ERGH.

Maybe I'm an all or nothing girl? Like I find it harder to eat small and often than to just not eat at all. Makes me angry sometimes. Tomrrow I'm going to stick below 500. On wednesday I get to fast again. ooot ooot, glad work is good for something and then I'll think of something else how to spend the rest of my week. We will see how much damage this has done tomorrow. What makes it worse is it was after 7pm too. It was 9. Like, have I lost my freaking mind?!

Yeah, rant over. Crazy, stupid person out.

love sucks.

so maybe my rant wasn't completely over. I just, I don't know. I'm still crazy thinking about my ex. Like I know it's over, I'm not stupid. I just miss him sometimes. He was my best friend and I miss that. Lately I can't stop thinking about him. Maybe because I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. We had so much time together that there is so much stuff that I can't do without thinking of him. Ergh. frustrating.

So yeah think I'm good now. baby rant over. Crazy, stupid, love sick, fool out.