get out. get out. get out!! Why must you always be there? Telling me I'm not good enough? I know I'm not, I don't need you to tell me that either. I do not need your help, just shut the hell up. I don't need you to tell me I'm fat, I know. Whenever I look down all I see is fat. sticking so closely to everypart of me, there could be so much potential if only I could melt away the rest. If only.
could i be anymore crazy?
I've been having some really bitchin' mood swings lately. Like at work today I was so freaking depressed I actually had to make an effort to stop myself crying like three times, I'm just an emotional wreck. Then the next I'd be happy and singing and dancing my shift away. There is no other way to survive I guess. But still, not only am I an emotional wreck, but I'm pretty sure we could add emotionally damaged to that list too. I don't have any control anymore, or maybe that's my problem; I have too much control. I have no emotions, I can't feel because I have to care for everyone else which leaves me, well, lets just say imbalanced at best.
It's so hard especially because no one knows, so they all pick on me when I'm looking a little down, which well, just makes me angry. 'Cor, you look miserable' the words that grait on my last nerve. Well, no, I wasn't actually miserable till you mentioned that just sad, but now I'm miserable. Thanks Ass.
I don't honestly now how much longer I can keep this up for. I could never hurt my family that way, and honestly I do love life, I love the uncertainity and adventure, but I guess with that comes pain and sadness. The good with the bad. So I'd never be able to go through with anything that may hurt me really badly. Just sometimes I can't help but think 'what if...' Morbid curiousity I guess they say.
Summary of crap.
So yeah, my day was good. As good as it gets lately anyway. Had to work late which meant skipping dinner time. Oh. Yes. felt amazing. Although while at work I had to fight the whole emotional imbalance making me want to be a complete pig. Good news though guys, I won that time too! Things are looking up a little I guess. Sometimes I want to ask for help, scream that they don't understand, I open my mouth and nothing comes out. Silence.
Daily Quota:
Everyday I go to change my status from 'searching for a little inspiration'. I never can, because at the end of the day I am still always looking for a little inspiration. Whether it is to stop me hunting through the kitchen cupboards, or just so I can smile tomorrow or fall asleep feeling happy, whatever it is, I'm always searching for it. - So I kinda figured I'd share.
Life my lead you to the road you least expected.
But have faith that it is the place you are meant to be.
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